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A House-Boat on the Styx

Creator: Bangs, John Kendrick, 1862-1922
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to see the people who _do_ you." "That is true," said Ward. "And they do do you, my beloved William. It's a wonder to me you are not dizzy turning over in your grave the way they do you." "Can it be that I can ever be out of date?" asked Shakespeare. "I know, of course, that I have to be adapted at times; but to be wholly out of date strikes me as a hard fate." "You're not out of date," interposed Carlyle; "the date is out of you. There is a great demand for Shakespeare in these days, but there isn't any stuff." "Then I should succeed," said Shakespeare. "No, I don't think so," returned Carlyle. "You couldn't stand the pace. The world revolves faster to-day than it did in your time--men write three or four plays at once. This is what you might call a Type-writer Age, and to keep up with the procession you'd have to work as you never worked before." "That is true," observed Tennyson. "You'd have to learn to be ambidextrous, so that you could keep two type-writing machines going at once; and, to be perfectly frank with you, I cannot even conjure up in my
Dreams, Waking Thoughts, and Incidents

LETTER I June 19th, 1780.--Shall I tell you my dreams?--To give an account of my time is doing, I assure you, but little better. Never did there exist a more ideal being. A frequent mist hovers before my eyes, and, through its medium, I see objects so faint and hazy, that both their colours and forms are apt to delude me. This is a rare confession, say the wise, for a traveller to make: pretty accounts will such a one give of outlandish countries: his correspondents must reap great benefit, no doubt, from such purblind observations. But stop, my good friends; patience a moment!--I really have not the vanity of pretending to make a single remark, during the whole of my journey: if--be contented with my visionary way of gazing, I am perfectly pleased; and shall write away as freely as Mr. A., Mr. B., Mr. C., and a million others whose letters are the admiration of the politest circles. All through Kent did I doze as usual; now and then I opened my eyes to take in an idea or two of the green, woody country through which I
fancy a picture of you knocking out a tragedy with the right hand on one machine, while your left hand is fashioning a farce-comedy on another." "He might do as a great many modern writers do," said Ward; "go in for the Paper-doll Drama. Cut the whole thing out with a pair of scissors. As the poet might have said if he'd been clever enough: _Oh, bring me the scissors_, _And bring me the glue_, _And a couple of dozen old plays_. _I'll cut out and paste_ _A drama for you_ _That'll run for quite sixty-two days_. _Oh, bring me a dress_ _Made of satin and lace_, _And a book--say Joe Miller's--of wit_; _And I'll make the old dramatists_ _Blue in the face_ _With the play that I'll turn out for it_. _So bring me the scissors_, _And bring me the paste_, _And a dozen fine old comedies_; _A fine line of dresses_, _And popular taste_