Cosmo has been to a theatre or two himself. ALICE. 'You here, Cosmo!' She starts back from her assailant. COLONEL, feeling a little foolish, 'I didn't hear you come in.' COSMO, grimly, 'No, I'm sure you didn't.' COLONEL, testily, 'No heroics, my boy.' COSMO. 'Take care, father.' He stands between them, which makes his father suddenly grin. 'Laugh on, sir. I don't know what this row's about, but'--here his arm encircles an undeserving lady--'this lady is my mother, and I won't have her bullied. What's a father compared to a mother.' ALICE. 'Cosmo, darling Cosmo.' COLONEL, becoming alarmed, 'My boy, it was only a jest. Alice, tell him it was only a jest.' ALICE. 'He says it was only a jest, Cosmo.' COSMO. 'You are a trump to shield him, mother.' He kisses her openly, conscious that he is a bit of a trump himself, in which view Alice most obviously concurs. COLONEL, to his better half, 'You serpent.' COSMO. 'Sir, this language won't do.' COLONEL, exasperated, 'You go to bed, too.' ALICE. 'He has sent Amy to bed already. Try to love your father, Cosmo,' placing many kisses on the spot where he had been slapped. _Try for my sake_, and try to get Amy and Molly to do it, too.' Sweetly to her husband, 'They will love you in time, Robert; at present they can think only of me. Darling, I'll come and see you in bed.' COSMO. 'I don't like to leave you with him--' ALICE. 'Go, my own; I promise to call out if I need you.' On these terms Cosmo departs. The long-suffering husband, arms folded, surveys his unworthy spouse. COLONEL. 'You _are_ a hussy.'